How to Keep a Woman Happy

It seems obvious, but the first rule to keep a woman happy, is to tie her to a shopping cart…

You can also try other things, when you are broke, to keep a woman happy…

For example, call her sweet things: morning dew, chocolate, coconut, pineapple, toothpaste, cupcake… a little flattery goes a long way and laughter can make her forget – for a minute – the shopping cart that you haven’t tied her too.

The second rule to keep a woman happy… again, tie her to a shopping cart… but when you are broke, promise her… with an earnest face, lying through the teeth… promise her a part of the world… exotic places like Kenya and Kiribati, beach walks down in Diani, a trip to Japan… weave magic tales of when you’ll take her there.

The third rule… the shopping cart, but when the economy isn’t kind to you, write little poems to her: Your cheeks - yellow mangoes, your smile – dandelion flowers, your lips – Kenyan coffee, Your skin – Kenyan tea… for a day or two, she will forget about the shopping cart… Then, brother, go and work your arse off to afford tethering her to a shopping cart.

The fourth rule to keep a woman happy… You are a blessed man. You are endowed with God’s blessings… You have a mighty bamboo, not lousy chopsticks… Then, you will make a woman happy eternally. Perhaps, two women… or three. Four, won’t be a problem either… make that five, six, seven… who is counting, anyway… they aren’t.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aqmvBWdVhCA

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NB: Meanwhile, I have a small ask:- I am running a campaign that will enable me launch my two books in February, end, 2024. I humbly ask of your donations of 20KES/20Kshs/20bob, towards this. The campaign is dubbed #20BobSanaa. Thanks in advance. You can also support by liking and sharing this content, or by buying these books using the following links:

‘A Funeral Dress for Nyasuguta’ available at: https://nuriakenya.com/product/a-funeral-dress-for-nyasuguta-by-mark-mwangi/

‘Love Told, Poetry Souled, Family Bold’ – available on Amazon Kindle at http://shorturl.at/hzALY

Buy Good Till Number: 9080911, Gatere Mwangi
Send Money: 0708 276 622, Mark Gatere

Comments

My-Once Molly (Praying for a Rainbow),

Dear Molly, I hope you are ok and are keeping safe in these floods. As for me, I am heartbroken. I am in pain. My mind, my body, my spirit aches. I am numb with grief. As is the nation of Kenya. The picture just won’t get out of our minds – the father, trudging stoically, his dead, muddy son slung over his shoulder. It’s a devastating image… the screams, elsewhere, as a boat capsizes, the swollen river swallows a lorry… Izrael has visited the land. Dear Molly, a while back, the nation faced drought. Then, images of dead livestock, emaciated men, women and children, parched, cracked earth, haunted our screens. Elsewhere where there was a glut in food production, the farmers cried for their fellow starving countrymen. They demanded for lorries to traverse the rutted roads and take the produce to their brethren… collectively, we prayed for rain. Dear Molly... will we ever catch a break as Kenya? The Covid-19 pandemic that paralysed lives and livelihoods in 2020 as we recovered from th...

My-Once Molly (thinking of Valentine),

My-Once Molly… the girl who broke my heart, the one who got away, the one who promised me the world and left me to survive alone – typical of our Kenyan politicians… I hope you are good. Now, as February – the month of love – lurks about, I find myself thinking of you. Thing is, my dear Molly, I have new neighbours. A young couple, very much in love like we once were. The young lady, her name is Val… maybe Valentine… I don’t know. This Val, a spirited girl with rich, deep, heaving laughter - almost like yours. Her smile… ah! You should see it. The shine of the morning sun distilling the dew upon cool meadows… I am totally in love with her. Alarmingly, she teases me much and I am getting ideas… Molly, dear, wherever you are, please pray for me… the temptation is too much. If you don’t, the frail creature that I am may fall. This, despite having numerous songs in my playlist to warn me. Invariably, Majengo – that infamous locale – does a dishonourable appearance in most of them… ‘Maj...

My Once-Molly (A Theft),

Hi Molly. How are you? The floods are here and I almost drowned – should have gone for swimming lessons as you often times suggested. Anyways, I now walk with a motorcycle tire’s tube and pump in my backpack. DIY lifesaver gear as instructed by Grade 3 CBC cohort. Dear Molly, as I informed you last time, I shifted. Partly, the floods, partly, change, partly, finances. This Creative Writing journey is taking a bit of time to yield fruits, but I hang on, consoled by the words of one Ernest Hemingway, whose ending was horrible: “There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.” Where I shifted to, is a downgrade. ‘Mabati’ rooms – plenty of stories, though as living is communal and one’s business is everyone’s business. Such as the recent theft – a woofer, charger, ‘meko’ gas, a bar of soap, and a bucket of maize flower - that’s how ‘flour’ is pronounced, FIY. Must have been pretty hungry, them thieves. How it unfolded. A bit of commotion early mor...

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